New Outlook

Well, I have decided it would be therapeutic for me to write a blurb or two every once and awhile. So....

This past weekend is one of the most emotional weekends I have ever had in my life. I'll start from the beginning....

On October 7th, I was volunteering at a free health clinic and I got a needle stick from a DIRTY needle in my palm. I was using a butterfly needle and I was trying to place the security device over the needle and I did not realize the tubing had coiled in my hand. The rubber covered needle that is used to put blood in the lab tube is what stuck my palm. I obviously was very upset. I was wearing a glove and I did scrub my hand afterwards. But I had no idea what the patient's history was. i knew i needed to have my lab drawn, two people tried to draw labs on me and could not get anything but a couple mls, which works in the peds world I live in, but not in the adult world. I inform the Clinic Director ( a physician) of the situation and she tells me the patient is "very low risk" and she "doesn't think I have anything to worry about." I asked about any antiretroviral or pretreatment drugs I needed to start on and she stated she didn't think I needed to start anything and to wait on the results of the labs. Oh yeah, she also informed me that she was going to Disney World the next week for a family vacation but she would call me with the results.

SOO........

Three days later, October 10th, I get a phone call from the Dr stating the pt was hepatitis neg and lfts were wnl and we just needed to wait on the HIV. I felt relieved, but still anxious for the HIV results.

As days went by I kind of forgot about the fact I was waiting on the HIV results.....and........

I had an AMAZING day at work on Thursday (October 16) and on my drive home I checked my voicemail. There was a voicemail from the "clinic coordinator" (a non-medical individual) stating the results were in and the doctor would call me when she got back from vacation on the following Sunday (FOUR DAYS AWAY!) I'm thinking to myself, why can't I know right now? What is so wrong?? So I call the guy back and ask him what's going on. He says to me, "Well, since you are asking, I am going to give it to you straight up. The doctor called my sister who called your friend (a coworker who asked me to come volunteer at the free health clinic) who called me and I was told the worst has happened and the patient is HIV POSITIVE!" I literally FREAK THE HELL out! Holy crap! I ask the guy for the doctor's number and he's giving it to me while I'm driving and was just told I got exposed to HIV; so, I kept messing up the numbers because I was freaking out. The guy says to me, "I know you are upset, but you need to calm down." Like he knows what I'm going through! Excuse me! Does he really know what just happened?? What affect this kind of information has on a person???

When I get home, I walk in the front door to my parents sitting in the living room watching TV ( mom was waiting on me to go to the dance studio to watch my niece's dance for watch week) and I didn't even make halfway through the front door when I COMPLETELY lost it and just could not calm down enough to tell my parents what was going on. I explained through sobs what was going on and my mom immediately called the 'clinical coordinator' and was asking him all sorts of questions ( which i cannot remember b/c i was sooo upset) My dad gets on the phone and calls the hospital that the labs were ran at and is trying to get information ( i told him they could not get ANY information, but he insisted on trying) I then remember that there is no baseline lab draw from ME! Knowing my needle stick protocols, i wanted to get this done ASAP. but it was 800pm and i did not want to go to an er and get them done. i called my friend (a nurse practitioner) that referred me to volunteer at this clinic b/c she had volunteered there for years. she helped me so much that night and told me to go to my pcp and have labs draw there and she would check with some infectious disease docs about what i should do about antiretrovirals. needless to say, i had no dinner and no sleep that night and one HECK of a HEADACHE!

Friday, i went to my doctor and had my labs drawn. holy crap the lab tech blew the heck out of my ACs! thank GOD for my brother! he went with me and supported me! i also made a phone call to the CDC and talked with a ID doctor who dealt solely with HIV exposures, she reassured me that there are only 57 documented cases in the last 30 years where the health care worker exposed to HIV contracted the disease. she also told me my chance were 0.3% of converting. ALSO it was too late to start antiretrovirals because it's only recommended within the first 72 hours....ugh.....

So can we say STRESS MUCH!!!!!

I kept myself busy: Friday night-Trisha's wedding, Saturday-zoo with the family and dinner with visiting friends

Saturday night-still no sleep and a HUGE headache....as i am out to dinner with some friends from out of town and my entire family, i get a phone call from the clinic director ( the doctor who runs the clinic) and she is REALLY upset. the first words out of my mouth were "i already know" and she says to me, " no you don't" i was like holy CRAP what else could it be??? she says " i don't know what the clinic coordinator was thinking (she used his name) but the patient is NOT HIV POSITIVE!" she kept apologizing for the miscommunication and how she could never forgive herself for what happened. i really didn't know what to say......yes i was SO happy that i had not been exposed to HIV but i had A LOT of questions as to how this all happened....however being at dinner with guests i had to just say thank you for calling and we WILL be back in touch.

Today i talked to the doctor (of course I'm at work) and i got my questions answered. There is no doubt that this could turn into a lawsuit/civil suit for violation of HIPPA; however, that is NOT my intent. this woman, the clinical director has dedicated her LIFE to this free health clinic. and i guess i feel it is not her fault if some, excuse my language, jackass decides he wants to give out false information. i mean who does he think he is???? does he understand the HELL he put me and my family through???

I am supposed to meet with the doctor next Thursday....I want to see the paperwork with the results on it myself to clarify.....past that i don't know what else to do or say???

I guess I just need to forgive and forget.....but I'm not sure I am ready for that yet??

I know good will come out of this and I need to look at the fact I was not exposed to HIV and just LIVE my LIFE! !